Reflections on Fatherhood Part 1

So I apologize to the three people who read this blog (myself included) for the incredibly long hiatus. I can explain. I have an infant now.

Yep, just found one on the bus and brought him home. Don't tell anyone!

Just kidding. My wife and I adopted a baby boy, which has been amazing. But it is not fair to blame him for my lethargy regarding this blog. I hate when people throw their kids under the bus for their own shortcomings; figuratively or literally.

I never realized how much I wanted to be a dad until I was one, though. And I never realized how much I would learn about the heart of God by being a dad.

I was there the night my son was born. Even though we share no genetic material, I have been his daddy since moment one. I changed his diaper and was the first person he ever peed on--a title I am most proud of, mind you. I checked numerous times between the doors of the hospital and the car to make sure his 5.5lb little body was still breathing.

And I cried tears of joy as I sang him to sleep that first night at home.

I never realized how much God loves us.

Sure I sang songs ("How He Loves," anyone?) and read the words and told people God loved them, that he loved us, that he sent his son, etc. but it hit me in a crazy way when I held my son for the first time. I remember looking at his tiny little frame thinking about how he was totally dependent on my wife and I to survive. There was no, "Well mom and dad, I'm gonna give it a go on my own for a few days here" for this little guy. Anything he needed to do--not just wanted, needed--we had to do it for him. His life was in our hands.

And knowing that led me to the realization that I would do anything to protect him. (And honestly, I'd kill anyone who tried to hurt him...just saying).

And then someone asked me If I had thought about the cross since becoming a dad. At first, I just looked at them because that is such a bizarre thing to ask a new parent.

And then it hit me.

I could never do what God did.

I would never give up my son for you, I'm sorry but I wouldn't. I would die for you, but sacrifice him? Never. And I certainly would never give him up for someone who might shake off the sacrifice like it was no big deal, or worse yet, get mad at me because of it.

God took a tremendous risk on us! God demonstrates tremendous love for us! I know what it is like to love a son, and how much God must love us that he was willing to risk that son for us.

The love of God is a love that does not back away from agony, sacrifice, fear of rejection, or the unknown when it comes to doing what is right and best for the ones he loves.

May we love the same way.